Do you ever feel like your life is one big argument with yourself?

“I want that. Yes, that is definitely my goal and I really, really want it!”

“You shouldn’t do that though because you’re too unfit/fat/poor/inexperienced/stupid/unattractive”

“Hmmmm, okay I’ll leave it…..but I do really want to do that challenge/have that thing/be with that person”

“But remember that time you messed up and that thing went wrong – you don’t want the embarrassment/heartache again”

“You’re probably right. I should just be happy with my lot in life. I’m destined to be average.”

Billions of people across the world have very similar conversations with themselves every day of their life.

But why?

Why are we the very people who stand in our own way?

We’ll blame it on everything from time and money to other peoples’ inability to understand us, when in reality we just talk ourselves out of everything we want.

It makes very little sense until you understand the concept of Cognitive Dissonance.

This is a fancy way of saying your brain is running along two train tracks at the same time.

The problem is that this can only happen for a short while.

The brain can’t keep thinking one thing and seeing another in the real world.

One has to give in so that everything ‘makes sense’.

Result 1: Your actions will be guided to match your negative self-talk and beliefs about what you are capable of.

You will act like a sick, tired, poor fat person and make it come true through the actions you take.

You’ll eat crappy food, watch TV instead of sending those emails and applying for that dream job and blame your family for not having time to build your dream business.

Obviously you will get nowhere, see no change and confirm you are in fact just boring and average.

Now your brain is happy because your thoughts and reality match up!

Result 2: You work with focused effort on a daily basis to alter your self-talk and beliefs until your behaviours match them.

You will see that your actions begin to mirror these thoughts and beliefs and sooner or later you will achieve those goals because of the consistency of positive action.

Unfortunately, it’s usually the creative, forward moving part of you that quits first because “well that’s just the way it is”.

We often get a dopamine kick out of making decisions about goals and we feel energised just by the thought of a new life in some way.

We’re excited about a new gym program, applying for new jobs or talking to the new man on the scene.

It’s the classic New Year fallacy.

The problem is that once the initial high wears off, we get scared it will all go wrong because we’re telling ourselves we don’t deserve it and it will all disappear in a puff of smoke.

We push away the very thing we said we wanted!

If your clients struggle to take the necessary actions or you struggle to do the same in building the next stage of your business, take an honest look at your self-talk throughout each day.

You can take various steps to change things including:

1) Mantra’s that you read off a piece of paper three times per day.

Words on paper have much more effect on us than thoughts left in a corner of our brains.

2) Meditation where you switch off from the buzz that is fuelled by current thinking.

 Emptying your brain and halting the torrent of thoughts we experience allows space for new concepts to come into your brain and get accepted.

“First you must empty the cup…”

3) Journaling each night focusing only on positivity.

Even if something went wrong, write out how you will make it better tomorrow.

A positive mindset has to be cultivated – it isn’t a case of being born or not born with it.

The other benefit of this approach is that you start to see everything as an opportunity which directly helps you get closer to your goal.

Opportunity is all around us but when your negative self-talk is telling you everything is a threat and likely to make bad things happen, you miss out on the very things you wanted and were handed to you on a plate.

Take charge of your thoughts and be ruthless when the old ones try to creep in the back door!

Take action as that is the best way to push negativity and false beliefs out of your head.

It’s scary as hell but it works!

Working on your thoughts doesn’t cost anything but will completely transform your life.

It will also give you short term peace and create happiness in the long-term through a life that you actively create and enjoy.

Caution is a good thing at times but don’t be a slave to the past!